Delusions

Everytime I delude myself into thinking that maybe things can still just move along, you have to smack me in the face with the fact that no matter how much I try I just can't find any middle ground now. I've been patient for over a year now.....I used to think nothing could wear down my patience.....but I find myself getting irritated, screaming inside my head, this stomach churning feeling.....all of these signs that I just can't take it anymore.

Am I holding on to the last few shreds of hope just because of fear.....uncertainty.....perhaps some misguided sense of responsibility? I don't know anymore.....

All I know is that all the pills I take aren't enough to numb me anymore.....