Of dramas and cats

M is a curious case....always unpredictable. Comes in from nowhere to be all nice one day and totally mean the next....I don't know why I put up with this bipolar issue of hers...maybe it's guilt...guilt for the things that happened. I suppose one day I should realize that I don't owe her this kindness and just ignore the drama that is her life....and believe me it is a complete drama! At times things that have the remotest possibility of happening do happen to her and leave everyone stunned. In the end I do hope she ends up finding whatever it is she's looking for.

A very old cat passed away recently...one that I had become attached to over time. His nickname was "grandpa" :) and he was extremely polite...always waited patiently for his food before jumping in. Though cranky at times, he was in his own way quite funny and I'll miss him.

Conflicted

So I've been spending a few days in the interior of the country....things have changed a lot in the past 2 years....a lot of advancement. Okay well I'm basing this on the number of brand stores that have opened up but I suppose that's a pretty okay yardstick. I'm staying at a hotel overlooking a very famous barrage and the view is really amazing....except for the 6 lizzards that keep crowding my window :s

But despite all that I love interacting with the people out here....lives are simpler...problems aren't the superficial ones you hear of in the main cities. I'm conflicted though...I've been travelling almost a week...been from 4 celcius to 18 celcius and now at 34 celcius all within the same week......so I really do want to get back home to my own bed......but I don't want to at the same time. I know what's waiting for me....more fights...arguments and drama!

I want things to be okay.....I really need happiness now.....I'm tired and I need to sleep....sleep without worrying of what next you will grab on to and make an issue out of.

And again I got a call from .... well I was going to write friend but I'm not really sure where we are at this point.....the things she says really confuse me at times....what is the point of being so nice when you'll call me in 5 days and start screaming for how things happened.

Avoidance therapy

So I find myself travelling a lot nowadays just so that I can keep myself out of the house.....in the last 2 weeks I think I've gone to 7 cities across the country. None of these trips were ofcourse extremely urgent or infact required my personal presence there but I think this is a good escape route. In all these places, I've come across people who are happy in their lives....people who don't have much but are still content and manage to smile as they go about their days......I envy that. I want that so bad!

People call me a workaholic....I'm really not! I hate being called that but the reality is that in order to avoid the situation I'm in I've entrenched myself so much at work that no other title seems to fit. This is really not how I imagined life to be 10 years ago......

Music nostalgia

No matter what people say about how far mp3 technology has come, I still feel it is no match for an audio cd played on a 5.1 surround sound system. I don't know if it's just a perception I've created in my mind but to me an mp3 doesn't have the same energy I feel from my old audio cds. Yesterday I sat down and went through my old album collection...cds I gathered over years...back when you could only purchase originals at one or two stores in Karachi and on a monthly pocket money budget they were very expensive! :)

As I went through the cds....I remembered so much that was associated with particular songs...particular times in my life. Certain songs took me back to happier times....certain songs to sadder times and some just took me to places I had been long ago and the memory had now somewhat faded.

I remember how things started with J....the song that played in the background....the song that I listened to again and again because to me that song was now imprinted with the memory of that moment....that feeling. Even now...just the melody of that song brings back so many memories....so many "what ifs" now....

Read and wonder

I love reading books...not any specific type per say but just the act of reading.....the fact that my own mind creates the entire visualization of the scene being described just makes me feel so much more mentally alive as opposed to watching the movie. I made this weekend a very intense reading one...went through quite a lot....I normally stick with mythologies but at times I do try out fiction. Mythologies are my passion....I find it fascinating to study the beliefs and rituals of long dead civilizations and how they are sometimes so similar to modern day religion. Most people I know laugh at this connection I see but I truly believe that there is some sort of a link there....the mythologies all seem to interlink with modern day religion. Ofcourse I live in a country where it is unthinkable to question religion or make any connections between different religions....so actually talking about any of this to people is a big NO! But wouldn't it be fascinating to find out why exactly all of the major religions...current and historic.....have similarities and although the text may change but the central ideals and concepts of each stay the same over ages. Whether its monotheistic or polytheistic...the essence of the teachings remain the same and in some cases the characters portrayed in modern religion to illustrate the teachings are identical in many ways to those adopted by the romans, egyptians, greeks and nordics.