City hopping

A new day a new city....that's how I've been spending this week mostly. It's a little surreal spending each night in a different hotel room.....when I was young I thought this would be amazing and fun...now its just surreal....days spent going through airports....catching naps on flights....faces of strangers seem like blurs and mix into a collage of different sights and sounds.

At the same time, other things are more confusing than anything. I really need clarity on a lot of things but everyone else involved seems hell bent on providing nothing but confusion to an already confusing situation. At times like these, the only thing going through my head is "foolish games".....it fits very well to what we're doing.....


I feel like I'm just adding things to my schedule for the simple reason of not focussing on the impending mess that I'm creating for myself......

On a separate note....I want to thank a very close and dear friend for the support given through some very rough and horrid times....SN you've been there throughout and despite the fact that you've been through some horrible times yourself during these days you stuck by me and made sure I stayed focussed. I can only say that as a good person I am sure that things will work out really great for you and the little idiocies of stupid people really shouldn't get to you.

Confused beginnings

Some situations start off with confusion....it's very difficult to judge exactly how they will go because everyone involved is just so worried to give a definite answer. I really don't like confusion in life....I've had quite enough in my almost 30 years to last me another 3 lifetimes so I try and bring out clarity everywhere. But in the world we live in....clarity can be a very elusive thing.

People who make others feel bad about themselves are in my view the worst sort of human beings....this is the worst way you can hurt someone....to make them feel bad and apologetic about who they are. This friend of mine recently went through a difficult time and although I try to be there it's hard to see this person go through so much pain and anguish over someone who doesn't really care much and infact goes out of their way to make others feel bad about themselves.

Silence

Silence is a dangerous thing......silence from people who may be angry....silence from people who don't want to rock the boat....either way...it's a dangerous thing. Sometimes we stay quiet so that other people aren't hurt....not realising that perhaps in the long run the hurt caused by the initial silence will be unbearable.

Driven away.....

So the long weekend is finally over....although I had thought it would be a drag, I didn't really feel it slip by so soon. The first 3 days were ofcourse spent with family and relatives.....then the next with friends. The final one I spent meeting new 'acquaintances'. Quite unnerving I must say....I mean for all the confidence I show in everything else in life, I freak out when it comes to these things. I freaked out and shopped....i always shop when I get very anxious or when I'm extremely nervous.

Turns out my anxiety was quite unfounded...it went well. Though what I was afraid of did happen....the after reaction when the person freaked out and went into a nosedive mood. It completely drives me away....drives me away to others....and that is what I'm afraid of. Of being driven so far away that I don't have the energy to come back to what we developed. At this point I'm close to being in that spot....almost there....I don't like this.

The whole week off has made this office routine so difficult....I'm half asleep already and the day hasn't even started. God how will I get through the whole day?