Goodbye Goldfinger

It was almost 10 years ago that you were brought to our home by your mother....she carried you in her mouth and put you down at the door before she came in to get some food. You kept screaming and trying to get attention until I opened the door and you had this look of fear that was so adorable. You soon became the most amazing cat I had ever had...extremely playful as a kitten, jumping around all over the house. You hated going out at first but then as you grew you couldnt get enough of it. You would always come back and act like a little kitten when you got hurt. I loved the way you would just put your head on my foot and act like you were so at peace :)

I loved the way you would get angry with everyone else at home when you didn't get exactly what you wanted and then came to me for sympathy.

The last time I was back home I remember how you ran to me leaving food and everything else and you just lay down again with your head on my foot as always and refused to let me go.

You haven't been seen in more than a week now....you were old...I suppose it was inevitable. I feel sad....I was really looking forward to seeing you when I went back home in a few days now.

Thank you for all the great times Goldfinger :) you will always be missed. Good bye

Turbulence

Turbulence is always a constant....it hits you at the times when you least expect but its like a constant reminder of how easy well laid out plans can be wasted. People come and go....this will always be the case in life....some leave an immeasurable impact that cannot be removed in any way. While on the surface things may seem temporary...there's a different story underneath it all.

Grey

I went to a concert this weekend....same band I had seen 16 years ago. While the entire experience was amazing in its way I also realized something else...something that made me thankful. 16 years ago I was driven to the venue by my brother in law who was living in a different country and I wondered if I would ever be in his shoes....this time I drove some friends down myself while living in a new place, a new home...I realized then that while I have had issues and obstacles during the way, things have turned out good in some aspects for sure. I am happy in my life here....there is something missing for sure but that has always been the case for me...perhaps that isn't meant to be for now....who knows....but for all that has worked out so well I am thankful

Complicated Choices

Do you give up on something that could be good just because of the awkwardness it will lead to and the difficult questions that will arise. People will talk...they always talk...for some reason they've always talked about me no matter what is going on in my life so should I just accept that as something that will happen and say to hell with them I'll do what I want.....I am tempted to. It's what I have done everytime a tough situation has come up so why should this time be any different? Maybe because every last time has not really ended well....or am I now just being paranoid. I'm still not sure how this will play out and where I will set my mind....

Connections

Whenever I miss home I find myself going onto google maps and zooming straight down to my house back home and just stare blankly at it for some time. It may seem very stupid to most but at some level it makes me feel connected back home....to my house...to my family....and knowing I'm not headed back anytime soon makes it all flood in stronger. I remember my routine...I remember my circle....things are different here...better in most cases but not the same ofcourse.