Usinsk

Not many people know of this little town....it's not a place that has ever had anything that stands out....except for one. For me, this place is important...the place you were from. It's amazing how 2 people from such far away places had their paths cross so many years ago, albeit for a very short time. But it made an everlasting impact for sure. We drifted and eventually lost all contact but I will always remember the gift I got from this little town up there in the wilderness.

25 years is a long time....or is it

A quarter of a century is a long time....long enough, many would say to overcome the harshest of memories and face the toughest of realities. They say 25 years is enough to forget most things...to let memories fade....but from the way I feel none of this is true.

25 years on and I still remember each and every detail like it was yesterday. The shock, the breakdown, the sadness. So much has changed but not the way I feel about this day. Confusion, anger, denial, fear....all dark feelings. I wonder at times whether this will ever change....judging by what's happened so far it seems tough that it will.

I don't know how to express myself much on this subject....I've never really dealt with it. The way I was brought up we were taught to store away these thoughts and feelings...am I now expected to let them out?

Lost spontaneity

No matter how much you try to run from it, eventually you have to realize that you cannot take the wild decisions you did a few years back. There are now consequences to think of....other people to think of. You cannot be spontaneous anymore....everything needs to be planned.