Resort

When faced with something we don't understand why is it that anger seems to be the emotion we turn to? Until we learn to not resort to it, the understanding will elude us.....

26 now

26 years now...today. It was 26 years ago today that I saw you last....the next time ofcourse I saw you, there was just a shell left of you, the sparkle in your eyes, the warmth in your hug....it was all gone. I have tried my best to live the way you would have wanted me to live....to try to be the man you would be proud of. Perhaps I made some headway, perhaps I failed....you made it look so easy; even in the days when I know (now) you were under immense stress.

I still don't accept it at some level....I still don't understand why it was necessary. Perhaps my lack of acceptance is why I can never talk about you to people close to me. I've achieved a lot in life for which I am very thankful but everyday I question why you had to go.....and would you be proud of who I've become if you were still here. I remember all the great times...I remember all the warmth...I haven't felt that warmth in 26 years now and I yearn for it.

Grateful

I don't want anyone to think that I am not thankful for the journey I've had. Yes I've had rough patches...perhaps rougher than a lot of others but at the same time I realize it's taken so much to bring me from where I was, at the edge of the abyss, to where I am now. From the efforts of my family to those of God, I am grateful for the journey I have had. I've come across so much, seen the best and worst of people and of life and I look forward to a lot more of this journey.

Transition

As I watched the movie it hit me....this is a movie that has been a bond between me and the closest people in my life. I remembered watching it with both my parents...now as I watched it with her it makes me smile :)

Mortality

You may think you are ready to face it....but when you are actually face to face with the realization of your mortality you realize there's nothing that can prepare you for it.

Chance reading

They walked together...everyday I would come across them on their daily routine as I went about my own. Over time we became acquainted but very briefly so. It's by sheer chance that I saw the obituary today and recognized the name....a lot of memories rushed back...visual images from so many years ago. Those afternoons I spent running in the park, I would always come across them...2 active old ladies full of life even in their advanced years. I remember their smiles...sometimes their words of encouragement. That world was a long time ago and this obituary is just a reminder that those days are far behind....all that's left is memories...memories of days where I actually remember being carefree.

Dream progress

He opens a new door...perhaps this is the one that will take him out to where he is waiting for him. It's not an exit...it takes him down a narrow passage ending in a very familiar corridor. He remembers the corridor from many years ago....it links him to a relative he has all but lost touch with. It brings back so many memories....so many dreams and aspirations. Before he is lost in them he is reminded again of the person waiting outside for him....he wants so much to find a way to him....he's wanted it for 26 years now. But he realizes it's not going to happen that day and then he returns to the waking world....

Darkness setting in

What do you hold on to when the darkness sets in? When all you see and feel is the darkness enveloping you...you grasp for whatever you can find to hold on to so that there is some semblance of stability....you reach out your hands and you grasp and then realize that all you are grasping on to is the darkness itself. There is no anchor....there is no hold....nothing to stop it from spreading...it just goes on and on until even the smallest speck of light is wiped out and extinguished.

Alfie

I first got introduced to this playful little kitten 15 years ago...he was scared at first but then eventually opened up and started exploring our house. My sister started bringing him over more and more and he then started thinking of our home as his second. He would spend days with us and sometimes when she travelled even weeks and months with us. I grew very attached to him and it was amazing being a part of his journey. A french cat stuck in the hot climate of Pakistan could definitely not be easy for the thick furred Alfie but he got used to it quickly. Though I still remember how he loved to go and sit in th snow when he would be back in his country of birth :)

I'll miss you Alfie...you were an amazingly caring and affectionate cat. You brought smiles to us all and were quite frankly a part of the family. Today, it's like we've lost a family member....one who will always be missed, remembered and loved. Farewell Alfie.

 

Quote

I love this quote:

"Everything will be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end"

Beckoning

I find myself looking out towards new lands.....I feel a beckoning call coming towards me. I thought once I would always stay close to home, now it feels like I want to be drifting further and further away.

Move on

Why not just move on now? It's been ages and for some reason you wish to linger....there's nothing here for you so why bother coming here again and again and try to interfere....

No exit

Here's a recurring dream of mine.....no idea what it means but it perturbs me a lot.

There's a building I find myself stuck in....it's a normal everyday office type building and I see him waiting outside for me. I don't know if I see him waiting or if I can sense him waiting for me....but there is this strong desire to get out there to be with him (26 years is a long time apart after all). No matter what door I try, no matter what elevator I take, I end up on a new floor and never near the exit. I am desperate to get out of that building.

Ignore the bitterness

When you have seen the bitter side of someone, how can you bring yourself to ignore that and act as if nothing was noticed?

Longing for home

I miss home....I miss family....I wish I could be with them all.....

At night when I sleep, I long to be back in my own bed....

Irony

At times you can't help but smile at the irony of life.....people who judged are now in the same position where they may be judged :) I guess its true what they say about people living in glass houses......

Privacy lost

When you agree to spend your life with someone do you also agree to give up the concept of privacy? I had thought not but evidently this is what is expected.

It will take you a long time to understand that finding out about me by snooping around is really going to just land you in front of the many many faces I have manufactured over the years.....none of these are who I really am........I don't open up this way and infact I lock down further when such things are seen.

End of reprieve

For a 10 year old reeling from multiple losses of loved ones in a short span of time, 30 years is a long time...it is a long time to ask for a reprieve in his daily prayer to God.

Those 30 years seem a distant past now....they went by very quickly and he's now afraid of what happens when they end.

Guardian

He guards the burial mound in the center of a 3,000 year old archaeological find

Klepto-cat

My sister adopted a stray kitten a while back. We've come to discover he has a strange habit...he steals things and hides them in a corner he has set aside for himself. These things range from cloth pieces, little ornaments lying around the house and even other cats' toys. The most alarming thing we saw is that he tries to sneak into people's bags also to pick out his loot. Imagine the horror if guests see him do that and think we've trained him to steal :p

Stay quiet and watch

So they tell me not to stay quiet...to speak my mind...to contribute...to express my views on the subject. What's the point of doing any of that when whatever I say is perceived to be wrong? In such things, I do what has always worked best...stay quiet and watch...let everyone play their cards and then let's see what should be done.