Risk versus Regret

How do you define the line where you stop worrying about the risk and jump headfirst into it to avoid the "what ifs" of life? Do you take into account all the circumstances around you and then just suppress your wants? How does one who has never thought of himself start doing that now?

Strong connections

What do you do when life takes you further and further away from home....you need to accept it but the connections to home are just too strong! You never realize how attached you are to places and people until you are forced to go through separation or even the prospect of separation. Despite making efforts to spend as much time as possible with those who you are attached to, time just never seems enough. Not too many people would expect me to show so much attachment....but it's there and it comes out in very strong feelings these days. I miss home....I miss family....yet I have no choice but to move further and further away.

Breaking points

Who could imagine that this person breaks at times? This person who exudes an aura of self confidence, walks with his head held high, looks you straight in the eye to tell you exactly what you want to hear....how could he be capable of breaking? You see him walking around like he knows exactly what to do and what to say to each and every person, he can adapt to situations and people...how could he ever be even in the slightest way capable of breaking down. You don't know that sometimes even a small mention of a year, a place, a time can lead him to break down. No one will ever see him break down, he's too good to ever allow himself to be compromised, but he will breakdown and retreat into his mind. And oh yes there are tears....tears that you could never imagine him shedding....but he does...at times he cannot hold back...but you will not see them....no one can ever be allowed to see them.

He will go on with the pretense...for as long as he's here but he will never let down this one wall. He cannot....for he has always learnt never to show such a vulnerability. 

Cornered

I stare at the blankness of the screen, words yearning to come out but I pull back....again and again I pull back. This once outlet of thoughts, this bastion of my mind is now a source of angst. Words I write are misinterpreted and I am questioned on them....questions to which I have no answers and some I don't wish to answer. Am I expected to open up every door in my mind and let it be inspected? There are doors in there I've never opened....doors that should not be opened. I feel backed into a corner...I find myself reacting in ways that I never thought of....this is new territory to me....I don't want to be in this corner.

The maze continues

So the maze continues.....

I was there again, in that same building. I found myself headed to the roof this time and felt exhilarated at the possibility that I may get out. Up there, all I see is a barren wasteland around me for miles...no where to go. Frustration overwhelms and you ponder whether it would be better to jump off rather than go back. You do do go back down but find yourself in another strange corridor filled with doors...every door offering a possibility of elusive escape. Perhaps it was best to jump off the roof and take my chances there....I try and retrace my steps back to the roof but the door leading to it isn't there anymore.....