Calling

People ask us why we do it. Why do we choose to go out and do a job where we are hated, cursed, attacked and judged? It's hard to understand I suppose; we see a side of society that most people aren't exposed to, we see the elements that hide away in the dark corners and lurk in the shadows. We deal with that and then manage to put on a smile and laugh about things. We leave our families so we can go out and protect others'. It doesn't make sense to most people....but it does to us. It's a calling for us and there's nothing else like it in the world.

Anguish

As I open a new door, I find myself on a new floor. Surrounded by familiar faces but yet they are oblivious to me. I walk through, walk amongst these faces hoping that perhaps someone will guide me out but they stare past me as if I don't exist. I try new doors, new corridors, new stairways but never find the way out. Even when I can see the outside, I realize I'm too high up or I'm too far away to the actual exit.

This recurring dream means something, I just don't know what. I've been trying to exit that building for years just to be with him but I can't. I can even see him standing outside in some of them, waiting for me but I can't get to him.

Aftermath

In policing, especially reactive policing, you rarely get to see the end result of a job you've dealt with. Recently I did and it made me smile. I came across a man who I had come across a month ago when he was trying to end his life, I somehow managed to convince him not to and at that time I could see he was a broken man. When I saw him again now, he was at his job, sharing a joke with his colleagues and had a beaming glowing smile on his face - such a stark contrast from the broken man I had come across a month ago. He didn't notice me looking and I didn't walk up to him but from a distance, I felt like I had accomplished something big that day. His smile and laughter was living proof of that.

This is why we do policing - why we accept the abuse, the hurt, the pain and the stress, just for these small victories.