November is never an easy month. It reminds me of the one incident in life that I never want to think of and to this day and even after 33 years do not accept or acknowledge. I wonder if someday I will accept it or even let the thoughts of that day creep out of the box I've locked them into in my head.
This time around, the dream was back, the dream of the building, of running around frantically trying to find an exit to where he is standing and waiting for me. The anguish of that dream always leaves me so full of sadness. This time, I was able to make it to a window, a window quite high up and then something unusual happened: I heard a phone ring. I picked it up and it was him calling, I could see him below from the window and could see him speaking on the phone. This conversation we had, I can't describe, I can't bring myself to do it. Perhaps there are messages there that he wanted to get across, perhaps it was just my subconscious but atleast there were some things he said he is proud of. I hope to someday have that or any other conversation not on the phone.....God how would that even be possible
