Content :)

What does it mean when a situation continues to give you that tingly butterfly feeling even beyond the initial steps:) I suppose I know....though it's all baby steps so far but the general direction and the 'sometimes leaps' are all comfortable and feel right. In a long long time, perhaps ages, I feel happy....I feel content and I feel like I know where I'm headed :) it promises to be a good and happy place.

Meeting the clan was not difficult either...it felt so very natural and comfortable...I've never gelled in so easily to an unknown group within a few minutes and although it scared me a bit at first....it all suddenly felt so okay and there was no air of discomfort at all. I see where things are headed quite clearly....I'm okay with it :) I'm content :)

Unspoken fears and wizards

We all have unspoken fears in our minds....fears that shape us and our decisions....fears that sometimes control our fate and destiny. I think we need to be mindful of the fact that if we let these fears control us too much then we lose out on a lot of possibility and are in the end left with a lot of "what ifs". To me, the worst thing to do is to miss out on a possibility because of fear....fear of where things may go...fear of what expectations may develop. I have always believed in the importance of removing all fears from the mind...especially when its a mind where I'm trying to gain mindshare.....sorry couldn't help it :p marketing lingo creeps into everything!

So I watched harry potter's last movie yesterday....I must admit I've never been a fan of the series...didn't really get the whole excitement and the fan following. But this one was pretty good...ofcourse 3D makes it better :) and ofcourse the company made it so much worth it all! :)

Changing perceptions and trends

So I've started taking yoga now....I find it to be an amazing way to relax and at the same time clear my thoughts....move away from all the negativity of the past year or so. It's not easy to change my routine but I've realized that I need to change some of the perceptions that I myself created in people's minds....and so far I feel great with the changes!

The future at this point seems bright....seems full of hope and happiness :) Yes there are fears...there are insecurities but there's always the hope that these will be removed by careful attention and consideration....so far it seems to be working towards that :)

Why prolong it?

I know you read this often and try to decipher what I'm thinking....perhaps what you are doing more is trying to find out what I am doing and why. The sad part is that after reading all this.....you blame me, my family, my friends, everyone under the sun.....but you don't look in the mirror. Don't you see that there is shared responsibility here for how this whole thing turned out to be messy. If only you had understood a while back....we could have taken it back from the brink. But now....I have no feelings for it.....I have no desire to see myself unhappy. All I want is to handle this in a civil manner.....again you seem to not want that. It seems that you aren't sure anymore of the thing you demanded several times.

I have no intention of prolonging my misery or yours.....

All smiles :)

When fate works in its own mysterious ways to bring about what could possibly be salvation you can't help but smile :) No pills....no delusions....just plain and simple happiness :) I've missed this feeling!

When I think of all the twists and turns and the different decisions it took to get to this point....it's quite shocking....when so much was piled against it....it still worked out to this current state

It will be messy....

This is what most people said it would be like....I didn't want to believe it....I thought we could be mature about it but that was just wishful thinking on my part i suppose. Now its really very messy.....so messy that I am filled with rage!

So you are the mysterious visitor.....I always did suspect so. You see this page more than anyone and yet you have no idea what goes on in my head. You assume you can read some lines and understand what makes me tick.....it's what you were supposed to read between the lines that mattered. I guess you never got that.....too late now. Let's just try and be mature about this.

Of endings and beginnings

I always wondered what it would be that would in my mind turn the switch off.....the switch that was half turned anyways because of the way you had become. I still can't say for sure exactly what it was that turned the switch completely off but I am sure that it is. I feel nothing......only anger. Anger that I let this go on for so long.....anger that I let you do all this to me. Please don't make it messy now....I really want a clean break.

Then at the other end of the spectrum there's SI.....I don't know what to make of all this. I really don't. I mean I see so much in there but then there are so many scars now that there's complete fear of developing anything. I'm afraid of the manic routine you have.....I don't know how I can fit in....in the long run I mean....right now it's all workable but later...?? I guess I'll take the plunge....I'll let it develop into anything it can be. All I know is....I'm happy for now :) very happy