The more I try to normalise it the more people come and pull me down into the depths of despair. I feel helpless to control what is now clearly the inevitable. Yet I need to be / act strong as that's what is expected. How can I even properly express the grief or the sadness when there are so many expectations placed on me.
I can't even think it through fully without breaking down, I know I need to plan it all out in my head but I just can't right now.
I'm turning more and more towards the only way I know to cope but I know it's not good for my health....
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